The Turkey Bag

For some of the early readers of this blog, now almost five years ago,
You may remember this story as the first essay that I posted. It was the
Story that prompted me to think about the idea of "Legacy" in the first
Place and seemed a very appropriate start to this on-line adventure. Now
With more than 100 essays on line, and thousands of readers from across
The globe, this adventure has taken on a life of it's own. With all of that
Said, I became aware this past week that a few of the earliest essays had somehow
Been erased or eliminated on the blog due to a maintenance error, so I needed to
Get this special story back up on line as my first priority! I hope that you enjoy it!



The story goes…in the summer of 1998, my grandmother—Lakie
Pearl Hill—became aware that she was about to die. Lakie was born
in April of 1901, and she lived for 45 or 50 years on her own in
White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia in a little house on 16 Mill
Hill Drive. She lived on a C&O Railroad pension.

I never knew she didn’t have very much. I just knew she was the
wisest person in my life. And she was a rascal—the 11th of 13
children of William Bryson Hill…(my son Bryson is named after
him.) He was a vagabond, a frontier scout, a silver miner, and a
Postmaster. He was a kind of outdoorsman—a trailblazer.
But Ma Ma, as she was known by all the family members, was 97
years old and she knew she was not long to live. My son Bryson
had just been born, and we as a family went to go to see her—because
she wanted to see everybody before she passed.

It was a powerful experience—the only time in my life that I’ve been with
someone aware of and reconciled to die. A long life, but she was still very,
very sharp. Her body was just about done.
My Aunt Lorraine (who is famous for Lorraine’s Law—“Take small
bites and chew thoroughly,” which is a whole separate story) and
I went to see Ma Ma in July of ‘98. We went to that little house in
White Sulphur Springs, and she’d be awake for a few hours and
then asleep— three hours on and three
or four hours off. Aunt Lorraine and I were there for two days.

What was so powerful about the experience was that she wanted
to remember things from our lives. It’s a lesson to remind yourself
—when you’re about to die, when you’re about to leave this
world…there wasn’t a single thing on her mind about stuff…or
things. There was nothing about houses or cars, or money or jewelry
or anything. What she wanted to talk to everyone about was people
and memories.

I remember sitting by her bed one afternoon, and she was asking
Lorraine “Do you remember your sister Arlene, Bill’s mom? And
that great day when she got married…and how beautiful she was?
(My mom died in 1974.) “Do you remember the day Billiam (her
nickname for me) was baptized? He just screamed like he was stuck
with a pin.” “Yes, Ma Ma, I remember…”
And it would go like that. And it was unbelievable. It was so teary
and emotional but I knew it was a meal you wanted to taste every
bite of. And it was something I’ll never forget.

That afternoon she turned her attention to me and we talked about
some of the memories of the things we did together. She said
“Billiam, do you remember coming and having Thanksgiving
with me?” And I said “Yes, Ma Ma I do…that was when I was
back in college…” She says “Do you remember what you brought
with you?”
Now, this was the summer of ’98 and my grandmother who’s about
to die was remembering me coming to see her for Thanksgiving in
November of 1981. And I was barely remembering this. Because I
was a college junior, and there were a lot of things going on…not
a lot of which I was remembering so clearly. So I said “Well Ma
Ma, if I remember right, I think I brought a turkey.”
“Yes, you did! Yes, you did Billiam, you brought a turkey, and that
was a fine turkey at that meal. Do you remember we had it for our
Thanksgiving meal, and I made turkey hash that next morning,
and we had turkey sandwiches that next day?”
“Yes, Ma Ma, I do remember that.” I’m not positive I remembered
that turkey hash, but I wanted to, that’s for certain!

Then she said, “Well Billiam, do you remember what that turkey
came in?” Now at this point I stretched my mind because I had the
decision to make whether I was going to lie to her or not. I had no earthly
recollection of what that turkey came in. And how could I? Seventeen
years ago…I barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday!

“No, Ma Ma, I’m so sorry. I don’t remember at all. What did that
turkey come in?” She said, “Well Billiam, it came in a bright yellow plastic mesh bag.

“Ma Ma, that’s incredible” I said. How can you remember that?”
“Well what you don’t realize, Billiam, is that when you left and
went back to college, I took that bag and cut it up into small squares
and tied the corners of those squares with plastic twine. I used those
squares to scrub my pots for a decade. And I always thought about you and
that great time we had together!”

It was hard to bear…the emotions of all this…I remember just breaking
down. And she said, “You know Billiam, that meant a lot
to me…”

That was the first time I learned about leaving a legacy. Because I
had no idea of what I had done. And yet to Ma Ma, she’d scrub
her pans each night and she’d remember that meal. She remembered
a legacy that I had left without really knowing it or planning it!

The truth is that we all are leaving legacies, everyday, some unintentional
like the turkey bag, and some very intentional.
I tell this story to people because…not just to remember my grandmother,
although I do want to do that…but to ask how much we’re
leaving behind that we have no idea about? Are they the things we
want to leave? Are we leaving the legacy we want to leave?

I’m proud of the fact that Ma Ma used those pot scrubbers for 10
years. I’m humbled to think that she remembered that long ago
Thanksgiving visit so sweetly. I’m also inspired to think about all
the lasting images that we are leaving behind everyday…with our friends,
our families, our workmates and our teams.

Remember Ma Ma and take a second to think about what you’re leaving behind…what are
your legacies?

The Importance of Grit

As we enter a new year, filled with challenges, uncertainty, and untold opportunity, this seems a perfect time to share this essay on the idea of “Grit.” No, I do not plan to share my sweet wife Jennie’s wonderful cheese grits recipe (though a possibility for a future essay,) nor do I want to debate the respective performances of John Wayne versus Jeff Bridges playing the wonderful role as Rooster Cogburn. No, as we refocus our efforts after a wonderful holiday break, it is time to be challenged and inspired but the work of Professor Angela Duckworth and her work on the importance of “Grit.”

Professor Duckworth gave a “TED Talk” in April of 2013 and the video of that talk was passed along to me just a few months ago. The link to that video and to a Wall Street Journal online article follows.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H14bBuluwB8
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304213904579095303368899132.html

She shares the story that after starting her career as a management consultant, she moved to teach Junior High Math in the New York City schools. In that experience, she discovered that her students’ performance in class was not directly correlated to their IQ or their level of talent, but seemed to be dependent on significantly different factors. She realized that the students who demonstrated higher levels of “passion”, “perseverance”, and “stamina” (this combination of traits she coins as “Grit”) were the ones succeeding in her classroom, rather than those with high IQ scores.

After experiencing this phenomenon, she went back to grad school, where she studied psychology, and studied various groups/organizations on this same topic of “Grit vs. Talent/IQ” as a predictor of success. She studied more high school students, participants in the National Spelling Bee, West Point Cadets, Rookie Teachers, Corporate sales people and kept finding the same results. Those individuals who had the stamina to persevere, those who had the passion for their future goals, were the one succeeding. She shares that those who “live life like a marathon versus a sprint … and who stick with their future goals,” in shorthand those with “Grit,” were the individuals succeeding in the widely varying environments. Professor Duckworth closes her talk by raising a question, wondering whether “Grit” can be taught, and whether “Grittiness” is students and children can be encouraged and enhanced over time.

To say the least this topic has resonated with me, and correlates directly to my experiences over my almost 30 year career in business. Over that span I have had the chance to work for four public Fortune 500 companies and a private equity owned private company, literally working closely with thousands of executives, and my experiences lead me to believe that the most successful individuals in their roles, and across those company environments, have not necessarily been those with the highest IQ. Just as Professor Duckworth suggests, those typically most successful over the long haul are those individuals with a strong passion for the long term goal, those with perseverance and stamina to overcome setbacks and challenges, otherwise those with “Grit.” Now I am not going to suggest that organizational “saviness” and high levels of technical competence aren’t important drivers. In my experience they certainly are critical, just not sufficient to describe the drivers of successful individuals.
While Professor Duckworth continues her research into whether “gritiness” can be taught, I have a few ideas, or tips, on how to help to encourage and enhance it in our organizations and teams.

Manage Your Own Expectations
We need to always remember the truth that business, as in life, runs in cycles. Think about the most successful companies; at one point of time they faced obstacles and major challenges. Think of Apple Computers, certainly a major success story over the past few decades. While the successes are staggering, don’t forget about the Apple Newton, the Apple Lisa, the hockey puck mouse, or the number of other failures and setbacks that they faced AND overcame. The thing to remember is that there WILL be setbacks and issues; do not be surprised by them, expect them. The truly great organizations, teams, and individuals don’t let challenges stop them in their tracks. They identify the issues at hand and work hard and often overcome them deftly. The reality that when things are great, they may not stay great, and that when things are tough, they equally will not stay that way is often hard to remember.

Slow things down and keep breathing
Especially in moments of crisis and difficult challenge, it is easy to let the intensity of the moment accelerate the situation, often leading to less than optimal decisions and outcomes; when things get wild, work hard to actually “slow” the tempo down. Take a few extra breaths; concentrate on the immediate issues at hand that HAVE to be decided immediately, putting all others on a schedule to be handled at later times. Unlike to adage of “ripping off the band aid quickly,” I remember “Aunt Lorraine’s Law” (see previous essay by said name) and actually work to decompose the issues/challenges/problems into smaller, more handle able, “bite sized” pieces.

Keep your Feet moving through the hole
It’s rare for me to use a football reference but it is so apropos in this circumstance. When a running back, “hit’s” the hole in the line, a great coaching tip is for him to “keep his feet moving through the hole” even after he has hit a defender. By the runner keeping his momentum, he may have the chance to break free from a tackle to make significant progress. It’s the same idea in business; never let a challenge/ issue stop you dead in your tracks. Keep moving, keep thinking, keep problem solving, keep innovating and you never know what breakout success you may achieve.

As I mentioned above, this idea of “Grit” vs. talent as a driver of success has resonated with me and as a father and a leader, I have been thinking about connections all across my personal landscape. Whever you stand, think about this idea of “grit,” and possibly try out one of my ideas that may be helpful to enhance your “grittiness” in times of challenge.

Happy New Year 2014!

MaMa's "Corn Oysters"

 

Now almost 10 years ago I put together a “cookbook” for my family made up of recipes from old notes, handwritten letters, recipe cards, photos and stories that had been collected from my grandmothers, my Aunt Lorraine, my mother, and a number of other family members. With most of them now having passed, it’s a real treasure for me to take a few minutes and read their handwriting, remember the photos, and recall the delicious meals that we as a family had shared together.  It’s amazing to read old letters, one notably from my paternal grandmother (“MaMa”) that recounts her trip home after coming to visit my parents on the birth of yours truly!!  While it included a recipe for “Damson Plum Jelly” (we will keep that one for a future essay), the letter recounts the details of her train trip from Cleveland Ohio to White Sulphur Springs in the fall of 1961.  A glimpse of a time gone by for sure!

 

As I picked up the cookbook today, my eye was caught by the recipe for “Corn Oysters” and the stories that Mama used to tell about them on a holiday table.  My father (recently passed), and his father Loche Andrew Livesay (yes, that’s not a mis-spelling of the last name, again a topic for a future essay) loved this dish, and Mama would describe how my grandfather would silently dive into a plate of “Corn Oysters” with such fervor and intensity that he would break out into a sweat right there at the dining room table.  While I can “neither confirm nor deny” that I have followed in my grandfather’s footprints over a delicious meal, my grandmother’s story still rings in my ears now over 15 years since her passing.

 

Give the recipe a try; I plan to as part of a Christmas meal featuring a baked Ham and Mama’s “One Hour Buttermilk Rolls”.  The holidays are a special time to enjoy with families and friends, and to remember those who have passed and celebrate their lives with memories, stories and maybe a few recipes!  I hope you and your family will enjoy these “Corn Oysters” as much as my family has over the years, and I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New year!

 

 

A Hero, an Inspiration, and an Optimist

With the passing of Nelson Mandela late last week, it is more than appropriate to take a moment and reflect on and celebrate the impact of this unique man. In previous essays, I have highlighted the inspiration and impact of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., as well as the struggle and the impact of Aung San Suu Kyi. Here, once again, we have an individual who has fought against injustice, faced amazing personal and physical persecution, and ultimately has played a huge personal role in changing our world.


Over the weekend I was talking to some old friends who reflected on those days in early 1990 when Nelson Mandela was released after 27 years of prison and vowed that Apartheid had no future and that “It has to be ended by our mass action. We have waited too long for our freedom.” Well, end it certainly did in a flood of changes that swept the world after the fall of the Berlin wall, the ending of South Africa’s policy of Apartheid, along with a boggling array of change over the past 25 – 30 years. While a lot clearly “has” actually changed over the past decade, we must be careful to not stand back, assessing or watching the world in the third person almost as a passive spectator! We need to be reminded that these changes have ALL come about by the beliefs, actions, and sacrifices of individuals and groups of people, all over the world, inspired by the spark of heroes like Nelson Mandela.


It was over 30 years ago, when my wife Jennie and I were students at college (The College of Wooster, class of ’83) that the issue of South African apartheid and the “divestiture “ campaign was sweeping across campuses coast to coast. Jen received a message this past weekend from a fellow classmate now living in India reflecting on how a group of students our senior year at Wooster met with the board of Trustees to call for the College to divest all investments in corporations doing business in South Africa. It was hugely controversial at the time in the fall of 1982, with the board of trustees pushing back hard on the students asking for change, unsure at that time whether Nelson Mandela was an inspiration or a terrorist. Jen is now a trustee herself, and once again it’s amazing to reflect just how much has changed in 30 years. Not passively like spectators, but inspired anew by the same individual, Nelson Mandela.

As I close today’s essay with the thoughts of Mandela’s impact on OUR world today, I want to share one trait of Mandela’s that truly seems beyond the potential of most of us…. that is his unending optimism. Think about it, he spent 27 years in prison, many in solitary confinement on Robbens Island, the Alcatraz of South Africa. Many years spent doing hard labor in the prison quarry, all for his vocal leadership of the ANC and his fight against the ruthless system of Apartheid in South Africa. He exits prison in early 1990 and begins a process with the leaders of South Africa, some of whom were his former jailors, to begin “truth and reconciliation” hearings to prepare the nation of South Africa for elections. No bloody retribution. No trials of individuals for “crimes against humanity.” He and then President de Klerk working together to frame a new “post-Apartheid” South Africa; absolutely amazing and hugely fueled by his unending optimism for the future. Mandela is quoted as saying that,

“I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one's head pointed toward the sun, one's feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death.”

May we all be inspired today to keep our “head pointed toward the sun” and to keep our “feet moving forward” as we face the challenges in our world today. Injustice, poverty, and inequality are not realities of the past, but are real challenges that WE face today across the world and in our neighborhoods closer to home. Let us continue to take inspiration from Nelson Mandela to take an active part in creating a future that he would be proud of!

A Return to Appleton

It’s now been over a month since my dad’s passing, in some ways it’s seems like a long time and in other ways the past month has literally blown by in a blink. My work tempo over the past few weeks has been a bit bewildering, having travelled coast to coast three times with customer meetings in New Orleans, Orlando, Minneapolis, and Atlanta thrown in the midst for good luck. What a month!

Since losing my dad, I have been drawn to make two pilgrimages of sorts, one to my mom’s grave back in Western Pennsylvania and one to my friend Bruce’s grave in Appleton Wisconsin. I don’t know if it’s an urge or desire to reconnect with my memories of those two specific individuals who meant (and mean) a lot to me, or in some way to immerse myself for a few brief moments in reflective physical environments.

Earlier this month I found my way to Appleton, renting a car in that familiar little airport, and heading out to visit familiar sights and old friends. I had a few hours open , so instead of heading straight to the cemetery, I turned south to pay a visit at a charming little cheese factory in Zitau Wisconsin. On one of my last visits before Bruce passed, he wanted to take a drive to see some old sights and to go out to his lake house to pay one last visit. With his advancing stages of ALS, Bruce was well past driving at that time so I loaded him into my car and headed west. Instead of heading straight to the lake house, he directed me to take a rural route which lead us to the Union Star Cheese Cooperative in Zitau. Here I was just a few weeks ago, now over four years since Bruce’s passing, pulling up to that same little cheese factory out in the chilly Wisconsin countryside.

While I was swimming in memories, the woman working behind the counter was diligently packing bags of freshly made cheese curds, a local favorite. With tears in my eyes, I picked up a bag of curds and added a block or two of their aged cheddar, Bruce’s favorite. Here I was having a visceral nostalgic experience and the woman behind the counter, while helpful, had things to do, bags to pack, and a large block of Colby-jack cheese on the counter that needed cutting and wrapping. I quickly paid for my cheese and headed out, back to find my way back to the cemetery in Appleton.

The leaves were turning colors brightly and the trees at the cemetery were beautiful, even on a cool drizzly afternoon. I had picked up some flowers and after cleaning up Bruce’s headstone, I rested the flowers on top and said a prayer. I didn’t want to leave so I started walking around the cemetery which sits on a bluff above the Fox River. Headstones of young children recently passed, of soldiers who fought in our civil war buried in the later 1800’s, of grandparents, and of teenagers all side by side. While I came that day to “visit” Bruce’s grave, I was struck by the expanse of human history surrounding me in that beautiful cemetery.

Later that afternoon I visited with dear old friends Steve and Nina, and the next day enjoyed a great breakfast with two other dear friends Donna and Marilyn who worked with Bruce and I at Kimberly Clark in the late 1980’s. Each conversation was precious, thinking back on times past but more importantly catching up on life today; the latest updates on kids and grandkids, challenges at work and at church, plans for the upcoming holidays and future vacations, etc.

I had come back to Appleton to take a moment of reflection as I mourn the passing of my father, and while I certainly had a number of “reflective moments”, I left Wisconsin thinking about my life and the busy road ahead. I was so anxious to get home and see Jennie, Bryson and Marie and get caught up on the latest developments with homework, board meetings, play rehearsals, chorus concerts, etc. Just like the lady at the cheese factory, there were things to do, errands to be run, happiness and sadness to experience, tears and laughter to enjoy/ endure, in other terms there was life to be lived!

My continuing “takeway” as I reflect on all those who have passed before us, (those dear to me and a multitude unknown) is that life is precious and fragile and that life is to be lived NOW, not in some future, post-graduation/post-marriage/post-children/post-debt/post-retirement fantasy but NOW, today, this week, not someday but NOW!

The "Gravity" of Blockbuster

As an addendum to my recent essay “The Gravity of Success,” this week’s headlines regarding Blockbuster warrants a quick note. It was reported this week that as of January the last of Blockbuster’s stores, along with their DVD mail service, will close. After declaring bankruptcy in 2011, the enterprise once known for offering families all across North America a “Blockbuster Night” will shutter its last remaining doors. The amazing thing about this story is not the ultimate success of on-line vs. traditional retail models (though this is a great example of that dynamic,) but the speed of this decline and my personal experience with it that began at a dinner in Dallas in May of 2002.


Now more than eleven years ago, I was in a role that oversaw the Blockbuster relationship for The Coca-Cola Company. We had a team of bright and talented sales and marketing executives working on that business and we looked upon it as a very strategic commercial and marketing relationship. I remember quite clearly being in Dallas for meetings at Blockbuster’s Headquarters in late May of 2002, working on key partnership marketing plans and it was in that bar, now more than eleven years ago, that I witnessed a live version of the concept “The Gravity of Success.”


Quite coincidentally earlier that day, in late May of 2002, Netflix had announced their plans to go public. At that time, Netflix was just a few years old, primarily a mail order DVD rental company, which had never generated a profit. The “dot-com” bubble had recently burst, and many on-line startups were failing. I remember everyone gathering at the bar and the Blockbuster team toasting and laughing about the breaking news regarding Netflix. One of their team laughed that with over 9000 stores , spanning towns large and small across North America and across numerous other countries, who would want to wait for a DVD to come by “snail mail” when you could stop by at your local store and enjoy a “Blockbuster Night.”


In hindsight we all laughed and toasted what seemed to be the folly of that day. But now, just eleven years later, Blockbuster will close the last of their 9000 stores, and Netflix is soaring and innovating to new heights. It’s amazing in hindsight to see how wrong we all were, and how influenced we were by the historic drivers of success at that moment. In 2002, those 9000+ stores seemed like a huge barrier of entry for others, and that the physical experience of stopping by at your local Blockbuster was a convenient and entertaining part of your weekly routine. For Coke, all of those stores, and all of those coolers, and all of those shoppers were pure gold, both commercially and as a marketing resource. None of us that night took a second to think about the “virtual currency” that Netflix or other on-line media sources would someday dominate. We all missed it that night; we were all caught in “The Gravity of Blockbuster.”


I share this story not only to connect to this week’s headlines, but to reinforce that we all need to learn from history, and sometimes form our own history! The memory of that night in Dallas makes me humble and attentive as I reflect on my current work world and our current levels of success. The memory makes me want to be more critical of our current business drivers, and it is pushing me to try to “look over the horizon” at the possible drivers of our current success, our “9000 stores” that may be our Achilles heel in the years ahead. Equally I am attentive to watch the competitive landscape more attentively. Eleven years ago Blockbuster wrongly dismissed Netflix as a competitive threat. Wrongly dismissed to their detriment and demise! What new innovative small businesses and brands am I being too casual and complacent about? Reflect on your own realities as you read this essay and be mindful and active about lessons you can learn from “The Gravity of Blockbuster.”

The Gravity of Success

I had the chance this weekend at a very busy industry trade event to reconnect with many friends across our business. It was a huge success for our enterprise, certainly a new “high water mark” in our journey of dynamic growth and profitable expansion. It was at a small dinner last Saturday night that I had the chance to slow down and enjoy a wonderful dinner with a number of friends, deep industry veterans, where an interesting conversation emerged around the idea of managing success.


One of my tablemates shared that he had recently been at a conference where the chess champion Gary Kasparov was the featured speaker. He shared that Kasparov talked about his early success, winning his first world grand championship at the age of 22. When asked whether that was his toughest challenge, he quickly replied no. It was after a number of consecutive World Grand Championships that Kasparov was faced by a huge challenge that he described as “the gravity of success.” It is the reality that continued success is not inevitable, but has to be “re-earned” in each successive match, practice event, or work session. What made him successful in a past match would not be the key to his success in future matches. He is quoted as saying “winning creates an illusion that everything is fine ….. that after a victory we want to celebrate, not analyze.”


These comments from a chess champion made me reflect back on my own experience, and on my situation today. I have had the chance across my career to experience many businesses and brands that at one point seemed impenetrable and were ultimately found vulnerable. Now almost ten years ago, I was at dinner with executives from Blockbuster on the day that Netflix was launched. At dinner that night in Dallas, they laughed at the idea that anyone would go through the hassle of ordering DVD’s through the mail rather than visiting one of their more than 5000 convenient Blockbuster stores. To put it simply now ten years later, Netflix is now a major factor in the on-line entertainment landscape and the last Blockbuster store near my home was converted into a Smoothie shop years ago. Blockbuster had seen many months, quarters, and years of success, but somehow the “gravity of success” was too strong to enable Blockbuster to find success today.


While there are many examples across the landscape, (i.e. Woolworth, Kodak, Howard Johnson, Web Van, Pets.com, etc.), the conversation made me reflect on my immediate reality. Our business has had a great run, driving profitable growth quarter after quarter for a number of years now. We have built capabilities and competencies as we have grown, realizing that business processes and systems are required in order to support historic growth and enable future success. Now with all of that said, were we becoming complacent? Were we getting lost in our “illusion” that everything was fine? Was the “gravity of success” lurking around the corner?


While it is clear that no one is immune to the tug of that “gravity,” the dinner conversation prompted me to take action on an immediate moment of success. As I said we have just finished a very successful trade event for our company, clearly exceeding past experiences and even our high expectations. Regardless of that reality, the dinner conversation prompted me to call for a “debrief conference call” this week, so we could review the experience in detail and while we will celebrate the “wins,” we will work hard to uncover and identify the opportunity areas form the past week. Kasparov said, “question the status quo at all times, especially when things are going well.” It is with that advice that I am taking action this week; I am appreciative that an innocent and pleasant dinner conversation has led to my awareness of, and respect for, “the gravity of success!”