Inspiration from my sweet daughter Marie

It's rare over the 130+ essays on this blog for me to use this forum to tout the exploits of my children.  While I am certainly a very proud father of two wonderful kids, Bryson 16 and Marie 14, I try to reserve my expressions of parental pride for other moments and venues.   Well today I take a momentary break from that tradition to share an amazing and moving poem from my daughter.

Marie wrote this inspiring poem for a project at school, and she is referencing the illness and ultimate passing of her grandmother, Jane Firmin Saliers.  Jane passed away in 2011 and we miss here deeply.

Empty House

By Marie Levisay

May 2015

You know when you move out of a house

and you clear everything out

It's still the outside of a house you know and love

But the inside is unrecognizable

empty lacking all the personality and possessions once there?

That's what it was like when you got sick.

Before it happened, I would visit your house and make you read to me for hours.

the books I chose scattered across your weathered couch

The words floated of your tongue like beautiful songs you had written yourself.

Each winding storyline a maze only you could solve.

You'd look at me and smile before each page turn

Your big reading glasses covering your face

We went to your library and checked out books every week.

When my teacher asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said a Librarian.

Just like my grandma.

Then it started

Your memory slipping through your fingers like water

Once when we couldn't find you

I remember moms hands shaking as she called the police.

we found you down the street

we asked what you were doing

with a pained look on your face you said you didn't know

The word dementia whispered on the lips of my family

I pretended not hear the fear in their words

Your stories slipped away when you could no longer read to me.

All the words mixed up in your mind causing you to stutter and slur.

I remember the last letter you wrote when I broke my arm.

The writing was slanted and it was hard to understand but I kept it next to my bed and I'd read it when mom thought I was asleep

Your mind like a thousand broken puzzle pieces that couldn't fit back together.

When i looked into your eyes I knew you didn't know who I was

I remember when we were eating and you started choking

Mom called 911

I asked my brother what was happening

He said you forgot how to swallow

You weren't really with us anymore.

Grandpa sat me down and said death almost came last night but I didn't believe him

You couldn't  be leaving me.

You were a survivor.

Breast cancer.

Broken hip.

Growing up poor and raising 4 kids.

Losing your youngest  to an eating disorder.

Never complaining about the horrible cards life had dealt you

They say you went in your sleep.

The family said

you were in peace now.

It was good in a way that

they were relieved that you were out of your misery

but I didn't understand how it could be good if you weren't with us anymore.

And I know in the end you weren't really yourself

But an empty house is better than no house at all.

I don't know If I believe in heaven

But if there is some kind of afterlife

I hope that wherever you are

You always  remember your stories

The Story of the Distracted Distributor: If you are present, be PRESENT!

This week I had a client in town that travelled across the country to meet with one of his key distributors. This client also happens to be the owner of the company and brand and makes these kinds of “market visits” just a few times a year.

Well we had a two-hour meeting planned yesterday, with three folks from our extended team participating, and two or three key executives from the distributor. While we had a short presentation, the primary objective of the call was to discuss opportunities to improve retail execution and performance; literally we needed to have a very open and candid dialogue about underperforming markets and retailers and to develop tactics, tools and incentives to improve the current performance trends.

As the meeting began, I sensed we might have some challenges when the senior exec from the distributor set up his Ipad AND IPhone on the table. He encouraged us not to be distracted, but that he needed to “keep an eye on a few fires” during the meeting. Sure enough, fifteen or twenty minutes into the discussion he starts responding to text messages and tells us “don’t worry, I am a good multi-tasker.” While it was certainly a distraction, we tried to plow forward. After another five or ten minutes his cell phone rings (yes the ringer was ON), and he walks out of the conference room and takes the call. Long story short, this combination of text messages, emails, and calls literally shuts down the meeting; not only do we not accomplish our objectives, my client leaves the distributor offices feeling unheard and disrespected…. Not a very good combination.

Unfortunately this story is not unique. There are too many instances where technology has enabled us to be “wired in” at all times, tempting all of us to be distracted from the primary topic at hand as we handle the texts and emails piling up every hour, every day. There is a lot being written about the dangers of “distracted driving,” and the trends of the rise of “distracted driving “ deaths since 2005 in the United States are staggering! In a related sense, the reality of a distracted work place is also dramatically on the rise. While certainly not as lethal as being distracted while driving, the outcome from our meeting yesterday certainly was not positive. I can’t imagine that the distributor’s senior executive came into the meeting with the objective to disrespect and ignore an important customer that had flown to Atlanta primarily for that two-hour meeting!

While the story seems extreme, I think we all need to reflect on our actions in past meetings and be careful not to emulate the distributor’s actions and impact. If we choose to lead or even to attend a meeting, we need to put the technology down and be present; not just physically in the room but completely present. We need to play an active role, advancing the topics and positions at hand and using the “two ears, one mouth” adage to listen twice as much as we talk. I highlighted in a past essay, “Selling: the art of the question,” that the best sales people I have ever been around are actually the best questioners. It’s important to be reminded by my story of the multi-tasking distributor that it is hard to listen or ask questions when you are distracted by multiple texts, emails and calls. We should all work hard to be fully present in those types of moments, respecting others who have taken their time and resources to be with you, and if there is a crisis (and they do happen) excuse yourself from the meeting to FULLY deal with that issue so when you return you can be FULLY present and active to the issues and topics at hand.

Legacy in Bloom

For those of you who have read this blog for a while, you will certainly find the “refrain” of this essay familiar. For the past seventeen years, since the passing of my grandmother (MaMa) in 1998, I have been thinking, speaking, and writing a lot about this topic of “Legacy.” MaMa and the original “legacy story” that I captured in a previous essay, “The Turkey Bag”, inspired this blog, titled “Find Your Legacy”. To see more essays on the concept of “Legacy,” look under the blog archive to the left of this site’s homepage and look under “Topics.”

As we dive into spring here in Atlanta, I turn my attention to the garden. We have a lovely flower garden, and a small but hearty vegetable garden at our home, and every spring the garden comes to life with the colors of tulips, irises, azaleas, and roses. Additionally I start from seed tomatoes for my garden, working to have them ready to go into the vegetable bed by mid to late April, after the last frost date for our area. This year, I have started two separate heirloom tomato varietals, both strongly connected to my past. One of the varieties we call “Mama’s old stripers,” an old yellow tomato varietal that my grandmother raised for decades, and handed down through our family. The second varietal I call “Mrs. Carfang’s Big Pinks.” This is an old pink tomato varietal that puts off huge fruit that I will highlight in a future essay.

In my family we always associate gardens and gardening with MaMa. She kept a large vegetable garden well into her 90’s, raising and caning a wide variety of vegetables across the growing season. I distinctly remember taking a case of her canned pole beans with me when I went off to graduate school at Vanderbilt. Thus it is no surprise that I have been thinking a lot about her this week as I went to plant seven of her “old stripers” into my garden. What did strike me this year as unique was the timely flowering of an African violet.

This past fall, my brother passed along a few plant cuttings and a small violet that he had started in his home in Virginia. The violet had a very unusual past, since he not only started it from a cutting of a violet that MaMa had raised, in her home in West Virginia, but that the original flower had been given to MaMa by my mother, sometime before her death, as a housewarming gift from some long ago visit. It really struck me to think that my mother, who passed away so young back in 1974, had brought this exact plant to my grandmother as a gift more than forty years ago!

Sometimes it’s easy to think about the idea of “Legacy” somewhat nostalgically, fondly reminiscing of some gently remembered past. The flowering of the violet and the young tomato seedlings being ready to plant are both reminders to me that the concept of “Legacy” is a current, present tense active moment of engagement. In some crazy way they are triggers for me to not only think back on these two, very important women in my past, but to consider how I am taking action in my life today, inspired by their “legacies.” It forces me to consider how I am spending my time, day to day, in an often overly scheduled frenetic life. What impact am I having on my kids, Bryson named after MaMa’s father and Marie named after my mother, Arline Marie Wark.

As you look at the photo below of the blooming Violet and the young tomato seedlings, think about the people from your past and how they have had an impact on you. Think about what “Legacies” they have left with you AND consider what “Legacies” you are “planting” in those around you every day.

For those readers in the Northern Hemisphere, enjoy the blooming of spring wherever you are!

The "Indirect" road to success

As a follow up to my last blog essay, I wanted to explore this topic further. As often happens, my posting an essay prompts a few emails, texts and calls from friends that follow my blog. This happened right on schedule after my last posting earlier this month, and a number of good discussions ensued. Rather than keep them to my self, I thought it best to share a few of the themes here.

First of all, it might make sense to have a quick re-read of the last essay, “ Some times you need to go up to go down …” The core idea is that life, leadership and success are not linear, and have not been in my life. My experience was not one of a single well laid out plan, with no twists or turns, clearly leading on a single upward trajectory. In my essay I encouraged readers to reflect on my experiences and think about ways/avenues where those same experiences may be coming to life in their lives.

In a number of my follow up calls/discussions, I talked with friends about possible enablers or drivers to that approach. The following are a few of those principles highlighted and reviewed:

Be Open

Maybe the toughest idea of all, how to “be open” to new ideas/concepts/approaches as you move through your life and career. I especially think this is tough for those who have been successful early in their lives/careers. Why “be open” to new ideas when what I am doing now is working so well?? Seems like a good question! My experience is that the key drivers of what has made you great, will not only NOT be the drivers of your future success, they probably will be the biggest barriers to that success. I talk about this in great detail in a previous essay, “The Gravity of Success” which you can find in the “Perspective” section of the blog archive to your left.

Be Inquisitive

Such a simple idea! Since the time of Socrates we have been taught to ask questions as a path to knowledge and learning. Why are we so busy preparing our comments, ideas and critiques that we don’t spend much time thinking about and crafting the significant questions that can help us grow and succeed? I have seen this so often across the business landscape, where individuals who have the “quickest” and most “well crafted” responses and actions plans are advanced quickly in their careers. Too often those early advancers don’t end up with a long and impactful career. I have specifically witnessed this in the landscape of sales, and have gone into more detail in a previous essay, “Selling: The art of the “question” which you can find in the “selling” section of the blog archive.



Be Attentive

Even when we ask good questions, are we really listening? How do we use all of our senses to pick up data, deeply “listening” for the underlying meaning and innuendo of the comments we receive? I think back to all the times that I had with mentors from my past and wish that I could find one time with them to dig in an ask questions and really “listen” to their thoughts and comments. Finding ways to really pick up data in life and in business is a rare and precious skill! I have touched on this in a number of previous essays, most recently in an essay titled “A moment in the 3rd person can change your world”, found in the “Perspective “ section of the blog archive.


Be Active

Life and business is not merely a set of reflections and introspection! We need to take those isights that we have uncovered and put them to work! I so often say that we have an inifinate INABILITY to affect yesterday, but an infinite ABILITY to impact tomorrow. Remember the lesson from my old boss Bruce, “Regret is a trap.” Don’t squander your energy on the “what if’s” or the “should have/could have/would have’s” of life. Take the insights and perspectives that you gained above, and turn them into action today! A good example of this idea if covered in my most read essay, “A teachable point of view”, found in the “Leadership” section of the blog archive.


Here are four principles that I hope you find helpful and productive as you seek success in your life and career. Look for ways to be MORE “Open/Inquisitive/Attentive & Active” as you move into your week ahead; always scanning the landscape for more data/input and insights that you can take action quickly!

Sometimes you need to go Up to go Down, Left to go Right, North to go South.

While this essay is not intended to be focused on geography or route mapping, I will start with a recent moment in a rental car to set the stage. My sweet son Bryson and I were on a trip recently to chilly Minneapolis /St. Paul to visit colleges. With the high one day forecasted to be -4 degrees Fahrenheit, I wanted to make sure that my driving directions were tight and without detours or potential issues. At one point in the afternoon, we needed to drive across “the cities,” leaving St. Paul for an afternoon appointment in NW Minneapolis. Not knowing the local area very well, I pulled up the map function on my I-Phone and entered our destination. While the route seemed simple enough, the last few miles had us exiting the highway, heading north a few miles, looping under the highway and heading back south toward our destination. At first it seemed crazy, I could see on the map a much more direct route, what the heck??? Well maybe the combination of the temps and the unknown city lead me to squelch my intuition and follow the directions on my phone. Crisply and very quickly we followed the routing commands, went north to go south, and found ourselves at our destination early for our appointment. What the mapping system “knew” that I couldn’t was that the seemingly straight route was under massive construction, highway exits closed and/or re-routed, and my “direct route” would have failed miserably. This experience got me thinking about how the dynamic of the “indirect route to success” is actually common in many moments of life.

We live in a time of supercharged, overscheduled lives and careers, where the idea of planned inefficiency seems out of place and almost unthinkable. The idea that you would intentionally NOT take the seemingly most direct route literally sounds crazy writing this paragraph. The reality is that in many facets of my life, this “truth” continues to come to life. The following are just a few examples….

Examples in Life:

As I look back on my education, it is easy to see how the “direct route” almost got me in trouble multiple times. As a boy I was convinced that I wanted to be a Lutheran Pastor. When I looked at colleges, I only reviewed religion departments, and ultimately chose an undergraduate college very much based on that single strength. It wasn’t until my junior year when I was studying in a divinity school in Edinburgh Scotland that I realized that while I was academically challenged and fascinated by the realm of Theology, I wasn’t “called” to it as a career. I came home from Scotland with a major need to find a “plan B; ” ultimately completed a BA in Economics, an MBA with a focus on Marketing, and then off to a 30+ year business career.


Examples in Business:

There are numerous examples of companies that became so focused on the “direct route” of their existing strategies; they missed the chance that some “indirect exploration” might have created. On either sides of this example, think about Xerox and Netflix. Xerox, the home of copying and copiers was also the home of the engineer who created the original “mouse” used to enhance early computing efforts in the late 1960’s. While originally applied sparingly within Xerox, uncertain how it lead to better, enhanced copier/copying experiences, “the mouse” became well known after 1984 and the introduction of the Macintosh 128k computer. A bit of “indirect exploration” might have created much more value for Xerox in that example. With today’s “House of Cards” Netflix in mind, it’s hard to remember that Netflix began as a mailer driver DVD rental model. While mailer rental DVD's are still available Netflix is not only streaming content broadly, but now a major player in content development and production; seemingly a bit of an indirect route from the original example. The examples are numerous, but the challenge to be open and flexible enough to take “the indirect route” in business is no small thing. I will explore the drivers and barriers to “the indirect route in business” in an essay in the near future.


Examples in Careers:

It is so easy and tempting to think about mapping your career “ladder,” taking roles that lead one after the other always upward climbing the proverbial “corporate ladder.” I learned this lesson from a good friend and I have now described it to others as following “Irma’s Rule.” Irma is a good friend and one of the brightest marketers from across my career. I had the fortune to have her join my team in a key role in which she flourished. As her time passed, instead of looking for the obvious advancement opportunity, she looked for and secured a lateral assignment where she could expand and build her skills. This “indirect route” seemed not only counterintuitive, it WAS counter cultural and very unusual. I dug into the situation and realized that she had a number of lateral moves under her belt and a big part of her success was the breadth of her experiences combined with the depth of her capabilities. This “indirect career route” served Irma well, propelling her to significant career growth over time, built on a foundation of a breadth of career experiences… “Irma’s Rule.”


As I mentioned above, this essay is not meant as a primer to “Google Maps,” or any other mapping app. I have mentioned this idea obliquely in earlier essays, “Ode to a Shunpiker,” and “Longlook Gardens.” I am convinced that we need to find ways to take the less direct approach, the “indirect route” personally and professionally; as a way to help us gain perspective on life/business and ultimately to achieve greater results, success and happiness.

A moment in the third person can change your world

Over the years, this idea of how to gain perspective has been a growing priority in my professional life. It was almost twenty years ago that I actually wrote this idea on the white board in a co-workers office, trying to encourage him to slow down, take a moment and reflect on his world from outside of the frenetic day to day, and reassess his action plan going forward. Well to say the least if that advice was appropriate in 1995, it certainly is more so applicable today in 2015!


This idea of finding a way to “step out” of the heat of the moment to gain some perspective is clearly not a new idea. Plutarch, as a priest at the Oracle of Delphi, reminds us that one of the key inscriptions at the temple in Delphi was the Greek phrase translated, “Know Thyself.” The ability to “know thyself” is obviously no simple thing, and finding the ability to step outside of yourself, and your day to day actions and interactions may be harder still. As I reflect on the tempo of our work reality today, fueled and accelerated by technology and devices, this ability to “step back” may be harder than ever. We spend so much time in the hectic first and second person today, the concept of “slowing down” or “reflection” seems completely counter cultural. We are either sending texts, emails, tweets, etc. or responding to those sent to us at all hours of the day, a furious back and forth in the first and second person reality of our lives. While it seems very simple to say, it is very hard to find the time/space/courage to step away from that back and forth and truly reflect on your own situation.


This idea/need was brought to life last month at a presentation that I lead at a health care industry conference. I was leading a discussion on the idea of “The Gravity of Success” (see previous blog essays, “The Gravity of Success” and “The Gravity of Blockbuster”) , and focused on the idea of what made you and your business great in the past can and will be a barrier to future success. During the Q&A session, one person commented very honestly that with everything on his plate, and how busy and challenged he was in his day to day job, he was unsure on where to start. In a bit of a “rainman” response, I blurted out that “a moment in the third person can change your world,” and I encouraged him and the audience to find just a few moments to step back/away from their day to day, in order to reflect on main drivers of their past successes and if/how/when those same drivers could be the barriers to their future success. Now in a Q&A session at a conference it certainly was easy for me to share that advice, but regardless of environment, the course of action remains very true.


Regardless of your role, industry, age or experience, this idea holds very true. Take a moment today, or this week, and find a few minutes to ask yourself a few key questions from a third person perspective:

• What’s important to me?
• How am I spending my time on what’s important?
• Am I making progress on what’s important to me?
• Am I having the impact on others as I want?
• What should I start / stop/ or change in what I am doing today?


While there are certainly more than five questions to ask, this is a pretty good place to start. Find that time, “step back” from the frenetic day to day tempo of your world, and allow yourself the time and candor to ask and answer these five questions as a starting point, and look for ways that your time in the “third person” can start changing your world!

Courage, Optimism, and Love: a response to terror in 2015

It is impossible to live today and not feel surrounded by, and at times directly assaulted by, acts of terror. Last week’s shootings in Paris, alongside the attacks, bombings, and massacres in northeast Nigeria have been another reminder that the global drumbeat of terror marches tragically forward. It knows no limits of continent, nationality or time zone; we are all under attack and all must stand together to reject and denounce this cowardly, pessimistic and hate filled agenda. Just as millions came together last Sunday to link arms and march together in the “Unity March,” so too must we broadly and virtually “link arms” together to stand up to these horrific acts of terror.


As I think about the responses to these acts of terror, there are clearly immediate actions required. What security measures must be improved and in what countries, what communities or locations are uniquely under threat and need enhanced protection, what improvements in global security collaboration and communication should be enacted, etc., etc. These responses are sensible and need to be explored and acted upon promptly. My concern is the growing cries of fear, revenge and retribution, whether directed toward immigrant communities across a variety of countries or towards specific religious groups closer to home. It is in this context that I want to suggest an alternative response to the terror of today, that response centered on the principles of courage, optimism and love.


These three ideas, courage, optimism and love almost seem naïve and out of place in today’s security centered discussion of global terror threats. As a clear and strong rejection to a number of the core principles of the terror groups active today, we must be vocal and active in our support of these three key ideals:

Courage: as a response to the cowardly acts by the terror groups, whether exemplified by a shooting of innocent shoppers in a Parisian supermarket, a masked beheading of an aid worker in the desert, or the use of school girls as suicide bombers in Nigeria, our response to these cowardly acts need to be courageous. Just seeing the linked arms of a number of world leaders who marched together in Paris last Sunday, striding “out in front” of the crowds, boldly proclaiming their unity AND courage, was truly inspiring.

Optimism: whether through the lens of a global citizen, or as a husband and father of two wonderful teenagers, we must be centered on the idea that (quoting from Dr. King’s Nobel prize acceptance speech) we are not just the “Flotsam and Jetsom of history,” and that we can and must reject hatred and fear and the “isness of humanity” and be centered on the actions required to achieve the “oughtness” of our collective future.

Love: finally a very emotionally packed ideal that may seem out of place in this response to terror. In a previous essay on this blog (“the Golden Rule from Dulles Airport”) I comment on the wide variety of cultures, faith traditions and communities that fundamentally espouse the “golden rule.” While translated a bit differently across cultures and languages, simply said it’s “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” or a touch more simply, “love thy neighbor as thyself.” If we can focus on acts of “love,” with a perspective that in our global village we are actually all “neighbors.” The terror groups feed the fire of hatred, why one group/faith/community should be hated and why and how that hatred can be used to legitimize unspeakable acts. We must reject that idea and NOT respond with hatred in kind. It’s my opinion that only through acts of “love to our neighbors” can we break this cycle of hate filled violence.


As we all move into 2015, try to keep these three ideas close at hand. Unfortunately, the year ahead will probably hold more painful and horrific moments, fueled by the terror groups cowardly, pessimistic and hate filled beliefs and actions. We must all strive to reject those ideas/ principles and look for ways to be vocal and active on another lens for our world, one centered on the ideals of “Courage, Optimism, and Love!”

“Nous sommes Charlie”

“Nous sommes Achmed”

“Nous sommes dans le monde”