Act with intent

 

It has struck me over the past few weeks how often I have been talking to folks about the possible actions that lay ahead in their worlds; trying to play a role to help them think through the issues and possible alternatives that lie ahead of them.  Whether chatting with personal friends, or in discussions with consulting clients,  I have been interested in the number of common themes and situations.  There is typically an issue at hand, either business or personal (often mixed), and the intensity of the moment combined with a heavy dose of emotions leads to the desire to take action immediately.  Remembering the recent entry on "PBR", my first nudge is to try to slow down the entire situation.  Usually by asking a few innocent questions, i get the individual to describe the situation, the issue at hand, what actions brought the current situation to a head, etc.

 

While this technique usually slows down the "heat" of the moment, it also allows me to start understanding the situation, always looking for the "core issue" at hand.  In a training class that I attended more than ten years ago, we were trained to "ask why five times."  This idea helps one to dig into issues, and whether the right number is five, versus three or seven, the key is to dig. Once some sort of problem statement is clarified, I try to facilitate a discussion exploring alternatives.   By focusing on options "close-in" at first, the discussion usually flows freely.  Next by pushing to discuss radical, or "out of the box" options, the ideas can seem farcical and almost impossible to even discuss.  This "stretch" discussion opens the door to a third group of options, somewhere between "close-in" and "radical".  It's often in this section that actually the best options arise, the outgrowth of the conversation exploring the edges of possibilities.  Now we are ready to talk about the action plan ahead!

 

This rambling discussion is my way to say that all of us have issues and challenges at hand.  Whether in our work lives, or our personal worlds (or the confluence of those two streams),we all need to slow down a second and map out our situation and look at alternatives before diving impulsively into action.  After one of these conversations, I recently encouraged a friend of mine to track down  that  piece of fresh thinking, Art of War by Sun Tzu, from the 6th century B.C.  In thinking about it's core concepts, there is a fundamental belief that acting without planning is unwise and dangerous.  A great quote from the piece follows:

 

    Now the general who wins a battle makes many calculations in his temple ere the battle is fought. The general who loses a battle makes but few calculations beforehand.  Thus do many calculations lead to victory, and few calculations to defeat:      how much more no calculation at all!  It is by attention to this point that I can foresee who is likely to win or lose.

 

 Even if the situations we are facing seem daunting, we should slow down, try to understand the problem at hand, make our "many calculations", and act with intent!

 

"PBR"... Maybe not what you think!

I know, I know... an unlikely image for one of my blog entries!  Just to set the record straight, I have nothing against Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer.  In fact, i have enjoyed one or two (maybe a few more!) over the years and there is something special about drinking an ice cold "PBR" out of a 16 oz. "tallboy" can.     Very refreshing!

What I want to share today is how those letters, the easy to remember "PBR" have become an often used coaching tool in my vocabulary.  Through out my career, I have often found myself in the middle of some discussion, presentation or debate "chomping at the bit" to answer a question, refute a point, or clarify an issue.  I don't know about you, but especially early in my worklife there were moments when I wouldn't be able to stop myself from butting right in and responding.  I realized over time that if I could just slow down for a moment, listen more deeply to the discussion/debate, that I would understand the situation much more clearly and my response was able to be all the more impactful.  While not foolproof, I started to work on this idea and I co-opted the famous acronym ,"PBR", to help me remember to slow it down.  "PBR" started to mean to me to "Pause", "Breathe", and "Reconnect" .  The idea was that rather than quickly diving into an issue or a debate with a not very well thought through comment, my metal model was to try to slow down and "Pause", take a moment and "Breathe." Assess the situation, the landscape, the personalities, the politics, the body language, etc. Then and only then, "Reconnect" to the discussion/debate and bring a more thoughtful response to the issues at hand.

Over the past few months, this idea of "PBR", has become the center point in discussions with a number of friends and consulting clients.  I have found myself looking for logos, cans, 12packs, t-shirts, etc. all with the famous "PBR" logo, to use as helpful reminders.  The friends and clients have put them in their offices, into their notebooks, on the back of their blackberries, all trying to keep the idea of "Pause, Breathe, and Reconnect", front and center in their day to day environments.  What has been interesting to me is the feedback from these folks trying to use this simple idea.  Their comments have been that while it has been helpful in live interactions (where I personally needed the most help), many have found it very helpful in the midst of e-mail interactions.  How easy it is to shoot off a quick email or text message with out taking a moment to slow things down and consider the situation ...  another moment for "PBR"!

As you go about your day, keep "PBR" in mind.  Whether in live interactions, phone calls, or email/text communications, practice "Pausing, Breathing, and Reconnecting", and see how it might enhance and improve your communications.  As part of the process, if you need to drain a few cans or bottles to acquire the required "mnemonic triggers", please enjoy responsibly!

Living without Regret

In the last of the three conversations that I had recently with my friend Bruce (who passed late last week), we talked about the idea of "living without regret."  This conversation was a little different from the other two because this question/topic was on my mind and I wanted to get Bruce's opinion of the question... "how did he think about the concept of "regret" and did he have any insights about living life as best we can without it?"  No small question!  After just a few moments he started talking about the concept of "regret", and how he was thinking about it at that time, just a few weeks before he passed from us.   He talked about that "regret" was a trap, and could be dangerous, because while we have an infinite ability to affect tomorrow, we have an equally significant inability to affect yesterday. That "regret" can make you inactive, pondering the "should have's/could have's/would have's" of life rather than trying to make tomorrow better than yesterday.  He talked about how he felt little regret as he looked over his life and that if he had any, it would be in those relationships in his life that he never told people who were important to him just how important they were.  He asked me whether there were people in my life who I cared about that might not know it.  He paused, gave me a penetrating stare, and said "do something about that.... today!"

As I reflect about this conversation, I keep thinking about what he wasn't talking about.  He didn't regret not taking a certain trip, or buying some specific car, or achieving some title at work.  He focused on relationships, between the people that matter in our lives.  Not only does this ring true deeply in my heart, I was reminded about a conversation that I had with my grandmother almost 11 years ago.  I wrote about it in the first post on this blog titled "Legacy", but as she reached her life's end, she didn't want to talk about the "stuff and things" of life, just the relationships.  True for MaMa, true for Bruce!

I hope that over the past few weeks and months,through a few entries in this blog,  that you have gotten a little glimpse into my friend Bruce.  I have learned a lot from him over the years and I am certain that I will continue to learn a lot from him, his life, and his lessons, in the years ahead.  I hope you have, and you will, too!

Bill

The inspiration of Bruce

Before I continue with the third and final conversation that I had with my friend Bruce (I'll post that next week), I need to recognize, communicate and share his passing yesterday evening.  Bruce has, does and will mean a great deal to me and I have learned so many lessons from him, many of which are still finding their ways into my life!  What follows is an entry from his "CaringBridge" site that he dictated a few hours before he passed.  Join me in being totally blown away by his wisdom, his inspiration and his peace.

As this point, we would be remiss not to thank you for all your love, care, and prayers. We have been deeply strengthened and encouraged by your overwhelming response, not only in the CaringBridge postings but also in all your cards, emails, personal visits, and many acts of kindness.  Thank you more than words could ever express.

Regarding my health, the disease has continued to deteriorate the quality of my life, most noticeably in my limited ability to talk and swallow foods.  My breathing continues to be a daily struggle.

Many of you have commented on what you perceive to be my braveness and courage and while we have choices, my choice has been the goodness, kindness, and grace of God. So, if you are encouraged by my journey, please know that God has been at the center of it.

My journey on earth is quickly coming to an end. As I look back, these have been some of the richest days of my life. I have so much enjoyed talking about the more meaningful things and the love of God.

Don't forget to be kind to the suffering and the needy, and don't forget to work with God in determining those important things in life...and then live it.

I look forward to seeing you in heaven.

Love,

Bruce  

Communities Matter!

I mentioned in the previous entry, "Authenticity, the Foundation of Leadership", that I was going to write about three conversations that I had recently with my dear friend Bruce who has ALS.  The following is the second in that series centered around the idea of "Communities".

As our conversation ranged over the day or so we had together on my last visit, we covered a wide range of topics.  One moment we would be talking about some corporate topic and the next we were talking about our favorite bands from previous "Summerfest" shows.  On one of those conversation "turns", we somehow got on the topic of the people or the "communities" that were surrounding Bruce as he was facing his mortality.  He talked about his immediate family, his fantastic wife Sarah and their three marvelous daughters.  He talked about his neighbors and his church community.  He talked about his work associates and friends.  He talked about his old friends that knew him before he was married.  As he continued, he kept describing these groups as "communities", and that as he was thinking about the end of his life, he found so much comfort, support, and love from feeling "encircled" by these strong "communities."

I joked with Bruce that when I was working for him 20+ years ago, we used to talk about "communities" in a very different light.  We were always talking about how hip it was when we traveled to Chicago, or New York, or Miami, or L.A. vs. the small town in Wisconsin where we lived and worked.  How the music scenes in Austin Tx. or Athens Ga. far eclipsed anything happening locally.  He smiled remembering those days and commented that we were so naive; that we used to think "communities" were defined by their clubs, their restaurants, their weather, and their architecture.  How wrong could we have been! 

 Bruce then asked me if I still had the yellow sheet of paper that he had written on from my last visit.  I went to my backpack and pulled out the sheet he referred to, a lined yellow sheet of paper that he had written some names on during my last trip to see him.  In candor, I had kept the sheet because it was the last thing I saw Bruce write before he lost the use of his hands/arms.  He went on to describe this group as a "special community of people, all who help each other, all very close, all help each other's families, very special people."   He said that's what we all should be searching for and working on, real relationships with people where we are trying to help and support each other as we walk though this journey called life.  Not alone, but encircled by "communities".

As I came back to Atlanta, I paused to think about the "communities" in my life.  My wonderful and giving wife Jennie. My two beautiful, smart, and creative children Bryson and Marie.  Our extended families here in Atlanta, in Virginia, in New Jersey, and in Phnom Penh.  Our friends who are parents of  our children's friends.  Our friends from past work environments, or from before we were married.  After just a moment, I realized that I/we are "encircled" by marvelous "communities".  "Communities" that help, love and support us through thick and thin.  While I am not sure why it is so hard to see what we have around us, I am very appreciative to have a friend like Bruce that can be a great reminder that "Communities" matter!

"Authenticity", the Foundation of Leadership

Last week I had the chance, the fortune, to spend a few days with my friend Bruce who has ALS.  I have written about him before, see the entry "Always pursue the Truth";  and while his disease is taking it's expected, unrelenting course, my time with him was precious.  Over the course of a day or so, we had the chance to have some amazing conversations which ranged widely over topics that Bruce wanted to talk about.  There were three conversations though that have stayed with me, that have affected me deeply, and over the course of the next few weeks I am going to write about all three.  The following is one that has to do with "Authenticity" and "Leadership".

As I commented on in earlier entries, Bruce was my first boss out of business school and proceeded to have a very significant career at a major, publicly traded, consumer products company.  He held a number of senior executive roles across his career and had the responsibility and accountability for a multi-billion dollar business and a large organization in his last role.  I am not sure what prompted him during my last visit, but somewhat out of the blue, Bruce brought up the topic of "Leadership" and asked me what I thought about "Authenticity" as a leadership characteristic.  Rather than diving into a rambling "sermonette" of my opinions on the subject, I had the good sense to ask Bruce what he thought about this idea of "Authenticity" in a leadership context.  Even with his voice restricted by a respirator, he started to talk about "Authenticity" as a critical variable in leaders.  That organizations knew immediately whether their leader was being "Authentic" or not .  In those moments of "Authenticity" , Bruce felt that organizations trusted their leaders dramatically more than when there were impressions of Leadership "Inauthenticity".

I asked Bruce how he evaluated/measured "Authenticity".  His comments rang true to my experience, but I was having a hard time trying to figure out how you might evaluate/assess this characteristic.  He said very simply, "alignment between words and actions".  He talked about an executive that he worked closely with who "talked a good game" about caring for and being focused on his team; but his actions showed that he really cared for and was focused on himself.  A clear example of misalignment between words and actions... a clear example of a lack of "Leadership Authenticity."As a result,  the organization doesn't and probably won't trust this leader very well.  Obviously a limiter to performance. In many  ways it would have been better for everyone, including the broader organization, if the executive in the example wasn't trying to portray an image that was so different from who he really is.  

Since returning home, I found an old article from 1997 written by Kevin Cashman, titled "Authentic Leadership".  The following is a quote from the article that articulates Bruce's point well:  

The foundation of leadership is authenticity. How do we go about expressing ourselves more authentically?  I constantly challenge clients to ask, “Where is my leadership coming from?”  Do our actions originate from deep within ourselves, or are they coming from a more superficial, limited place?  Is our leadership arising from our character, the essence of who we are?  Or is it only coming from our persona, the external personality we’ve created to cope with life circumstances.

As I mentioned above , I am not sure what prompted Bruce to want to talk about this topic; but I have always found Bruce to be an amazingly "Authentic" person, friend, and boss.  This conversation gave me more to think about regarding the alignment of my words and actions, my "Leadership Authenticity". I hope that it might be a trigger for you too!

Can we have it all?

I recently had a marvelous dinner with a dear friend named Susan who I hadn't seen in almost a year.  Too long!  In our far ranging conversation, we talked about her being at a recent event where a moderator posed the question : "Can we have it all?"    That question has stayed with me over the past day or so and what I have been ruminating about is, what does "all" mean?  What does it mean to you, and how is that different from what it might mean to me?  What does it mean to me and my family today versus what it might have meant when I graduated from high school or college?  While the questions piled up, unfortunately (but not surprisingly) no simple answers came.   I tried to answer, "if I had it all, what would it look/feel like?"  What I was surprised about was that three images/ideas started to take shape: a painting/drawing, a song, and a speech.

First, I have included a visual of Picasso's "Dance of Youth", a drawing that has inspired me for years.  I have had the fortune to work at an office that had a signed print of this inspiring piece.  On those tough days at work, I would take a break from my work or a meeting and take a moment at the print, trying to envision a world where youth of all races dance around the dove of peace.  A very dear friend named Chris gave me a copy of this drawing and we have it in the front hall of our home, hoping to inspire our friends, our children and ourselves! 

Second, I have included a copy of MLK's Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech.  I have written about the specific words that talk about the "isness" versus the "oughtness" of mankind.  Strong words that give us all hope that tomorrow can be dramatically different, and better, than yesterday!

Martin Luther King Jr.

The Nobel Peace Prize 1964

Acceptance Speech

Martin Luther King's Acceptance Speech, on the occasion of the award of the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo, December 10, 1964

Your Majesty, Your Royal Highness, Mr. President, Excellencies, Ladies and Gentlemen:

I accept the Nobel Prize for Peace at a moment when 22 million Negroes of the United States of America are engaged in a creative battle to end the long night of racial injustice. I accept this award on behalf of a civil rights movement which is moving with determination and a majestic scorn for risk and danger to establish a reign of freedom and a rule of justice. I am mindful that only yesterday in Birmingham, Alabama, our children, crying out for brotherhood, were answered with fire hoses, snarling dogs and even death. I am mindful that only yesterday in Philadelphia, Mississippi, young people seeking to secure the right to vote were brutalized and murdered. And only yesterday more than 40 houses of worship in the State of Mississippi alone were bombed or burned because they offered a sanctuary to those who would not accept segregation. I am mindful that debilitating and grinding poverty afflicts my people and chains them to the lowest rung of the economic ladder.

Therefore, I must ask why this prize is awarded to a movement which is beleaguered and committed to unrelenting struggle; to a movement which has not won the very peace and brotherhood which is the essence of the Nobel Prize.

After contemplation, I conclude that this award which I receive on behalf of that movement is a profound recognition that nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral question of our time - the need for man to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to violence and oppression. Civilization and violence are antithetical concepts. Negroes of the United States, following the people of India, have demonstrated that nonviolence is not sterile passivity, but a powerful moral force which makes for social transformation. Sooner or later all the people of the world will have to discover a way to live together in peace, and thereby transform this pending cosmic elegy into a creative psalm of brotherhood. If this is to be achieved, man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.

The tortuous road which has led from Montgomery, Alabama to Oslo bears witness to this truth. This is a road over which millions of Negroes are travelling to find a new sense of dignity. This same road has opened for all Americans a new era of progress and hope. It has led to a new Civil Rights Bill, and it will, I am convinced, be widened and lengthened into a super highway of justice as Negro and white men in increasing numbers create alliances to overcome their common problems.

I accept this award today with an abiding faith in America and an audacious faith in the future of mankind. I refuse to accept despair as the final response to the ambiguities of history. I refuse to accept the idea that the "isness" of man's present nature makes him morally incapable of reaching up for the eternal "oughtness" that forever confronts him. I refuse to accept the idea that man is mere flotsom and jetsom in the river of life, unable to influence the unfolding events which surround him. I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality.

I refuse to accept the cynical notion that nation after nation must spiral down a militaristic stairway into the hell of thermonuclear destruction. I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right temporarily defeated is stronger than evil triumphant. I believe that even amid today's mortar bursts and whining bullets, there is still hope for a brighter tomorrow. I believe that wounded justice, lying prostrate on the blood-flowing streets of our nations, can be lifted from this dust of shame to reign supreme among the children of men. I have the audacity to believe that peoples everywhere can have three meals a day for their bodies, education and culture for their minds, and dignity, equality and freedom for their spirits. I believe that what self-centered men have torn down men other-centered can build up. I still believe that one day mankind will bow before the altars of God and be crowned triumphant over war and bloodshed, and nonviolent redemptive good will proclaim the rule of the land. "And the lion and the lamb shall lie down together and every man shall sit under his own vine and fig tree and none shall be afraid." I still believe that We Shall overcome!

This faith can give us courage to face the uncertainties of the future. It will give our tired feet new strength as we continue our forward stride toward the city of freedom. When our days become dreary with low-hovering clouds and our nights become darker than a thousand midnights, we will know that we are living in the creative turmoil of a genuine civilization struggling to be born.

Today I come to Oslo as a trustee, inspired and with renewed dedication to humanity. I accept this prize on behalf of all men who love peace and brotherhood. I say I come as a trustee, for in the depths of my heart I am aware that this prize is much more than an honor to me personally.

Every time I take a flight, I am always mindful of the many people who make a successful journey possible - the known pilots and the unknown ground crew.

So you honor the dedicated pilots of our struggle who have sat at the controls as the freedom movement soared into orbit. You honor, once again, Chief Lutuli of South Africa, whose struggles with and for his people, are still met with the most brutal expression of man's inhumanity to man. You honor the ground crew without whose labor and sacrifices the jet flights to freedom could never have left the earth. Most of these people will never make the headline and their names will not appear in Who's Who. Yet when years have rolled past and when the blazing light of truth is focused on this marvellous age in which we live - men and women will know and children will be taught that we have a finer land, a better people, a more noble civilization - because these humble children of God were willing to suffer for righteousness' sake.

I think Alfred Nobel would know what I mean when I say that I accept this award in the spirit of a curator of some precious heirloom which he holds in trust for its true owners - all those to whom beauty is truth and truth beauty - and in whose eyes the beauty of genuine brotherhood and peace is more precious than diamonds or silver or gold.

From Les Prix Nobel en 1964, Editor Göran Liljestrand, [Nobel Foundation], Stockholm, 1965

 

Finally, I think about the recording of the Indigo Girls (with Girlyman) singing the marvelous hymn, Findlandia.  With the music from Sibelius, and the lyrics from a 1934 Methodist Hymn "This is my Song", the unbelievable harmonies of this recording stir in us the belief that: 

" May truth and freedom come to every nation;

may peace abound where strife has raged so long;

that each may seek to love and build together,

a world united, righting every wrong;

a world united in its love for freedom,

proclaiming peace together in one song.

Now I am not certain that everyone would define their "all" in this same way.  No mention of fame or fortune. No mention of achievement, beauty or advancement.  But for me, these three inspirations: a drawing, a speech and a song, all illuminate the common themes of peace, love, and optimistic possibility... my definition of "all" tonight!