It humbling to realize, but it was 15 years ago this week that my old boss and dear friend Bruce Paynter passed away after a battle with ALS. Bruce meant the world to me then ( and in the years before his passing) and I think of him often today. Bruce is very much in "present tense" with me today and so many times over the past year leading Bolthouse Farms I have often thought back and wondered... "what would Bruce say/do in this situation." It was almost exactly 15years ago today that I wrote an essay ( one of a number) that was inspired by a final conversation that I had with Bruce, titled "Living without Regret," ( read it here...https://fylegacy.blogspot.com/2009/07/living-without-regret.html) "As I sit here today, this topic of "Living without Regret" is again on my mind, and I wanted to share a few thoughts/learnings that might be helpful.
In my readings this week, I came across a CNBC article that dug into a book (You only Die Once: How to make it to the end with no regrets, by Jodi Wellman) on this topic. A very insightful part of the article was the author's description of "Regrets of Commission" vs "Regrets of Omission" and how they were different and had different dynamics. In the author's view, "Regrets of Omission" were the really dangerous ones... things you regret NOT DOING in your life.... and areas to focus on and work on in your life. This idea really got me thinking and in the soul searching I became center on a story from my life and a lesson in this specific area that I describe "The lesson of Zermatt."
While I have never been to Zermatt (YET!!), my Aunt Lorraine spent many trips when she was younger ( quite literally skiing there in the 1960's with a group of here closest female friends) and for her Zermatt ( with the magnificent views of the Matterhorn) was one of her most precious spots on earth. I knew this growing up, and thought about Switzerland/Zermatt/The Matterhorn as a sort of mythical Swiss "Valhalla"where the cows wore bells, no cars were allowed and the Swiss chocolate flowed from every corner. I thought to myself when I was young that someday ( when I hade "made it") I would treat Aunt Lorraine to a trip back to HER Zermatt!
Well, the years and decades moved on, and as a person busy with a family and a business career, I never had the time for the big Zermatt trip. It wasn't until 2015, after selling Bolthouse Farms to Campbell's and thinking my time was done in "carrot-land" ( oh how naive!!) that I talked to Aunt Lorraine about my big idea... how about we take a big trip back to Zermatt?? Now this was 9 years ago, and Aunt Lorraine was in her 80's still doing well ( in my eyes) but she quickly said that while it was a great idea, she couldn't go! I was dumbstruck and started selling... I would pickup the tickets, I would come get her in NJ.... I wanted to handle all the objections! Aunt Lorraine was patient, but persistent to say that a trip like that would have been great a few years ago, but in 2015 it would be too much... too scary... here capabilities too limited...and she wasn't up for a trip like that anymore.... she would never go back to Zermatt. While at first I was frustrated with her, I realized that I was the culprit... I had blown it; my intense regret ( "Regret of Omission") was my burden and in many ways still is!
While Aunt Lorraine is still alive, she is now in hospice and is nearing her end-of life and I have deep and precious memories of her across my entire life. I share this story as a personal nudge ( to myself and the readers) to say that life is short and very fragile and if there are any regrets ( and especially "Regrets of Omission') in your lives today, it high time to take action NOW! Someday I will find my path to Zermatt, and will take a keepsake of Aunt Lorraine with me on that trip in honor and in memory of that incredible woman. I will also keep Zermatt active in my mind today... thinking about what actions I NEED to take NOW, focused on the "Regrets of Omission" in my life today, and I encourage all readers to take a few minutes and do the same... do you have any "Zermatts" in your life that need action now??
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